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Old March 22nd, 2012, 07:57 AM   #1

Sargon of Akkad's Avatar
Joined: Jun 2009
From: Glorious England
Posts: 6,987
Assyrian Badass

‎(to the tune of American Badass by Kid Rock)

Are you scared?
Ancient Assyrians, well I am back
From the old kingdom in whatís now Iraq.
Iím the badass king from the upper Tigris,
all Assyrian girls they really dig this!
The chosen one, I'm the living proof -
The mother****iní ruler of the city of truth -
I jabbed and stabbed and killed the foe
and along the Nile delta I nailed me a ho.
From the Euphrates to Ekallatum
Iím kicking ass and drinkiní rum,
And still Iíll kill, they gotta know Iím bad
I got more gold than Shamshi-Adad.

Oh they wrote my deeds for all to see Ďem,
Got my own little section in the British Museum.
(Say hey hey) Let me hear where youíre at,
(And say hey hey) I'm the Assyrian cat,
(So say hey hey) Akkadian rhythms...
(And say Hey hey hey hey)

I like driving out Phrygians and waging war!
Makiní stelae is a terrible bore, but I got to do it to prove what I did
(like piling up skulls in a pyramid) - pass that bottle around,
got my ass on the throne while wearing the crown,
running round Kalhu like a total Pimp...
Like a quinquireme of Nineveh Iím flash,
praisiní moon god Sin and his bro Shamash.
Just watch me rock like a real crowd-pleaser,
Iím a rockiní geezer like Shalmaneser,
Letís hear it in the house for Tiglath-Pileser!

Oh Iím His Majesty in Mesopotamia,
middle finger in the air and I donít blame ya.
(Say hey hey) let me hear where your at,
(And say hey hey) I'm the Assyrian cat,
(So say hey hey) Akkadian rhythms...
(and say hey hey hey hey)

I'm an Assyrian bad ass, see what I did
took a bunch of skulls and made a pyramid.
I'm the ruler of all, I'm like amazing grace,
I'm gonna find some hos after I sack this place.
Super fly Iím super mean,
Iíll get myself a slutty Hurrian queen -
thereís a war on buddy get outa my crib,
Iíll kick your ass with my bro Sennacherib.

Dates and wine, all days and nights
rockiní out with Akhenaten and the Amorites.
In Arvad I killed a nahiru,
Give the next generation a big **** you.
Who knew I'd grow up to be king of the land,
seizing the throne, this is where I will stand -
I raise my hand, Iím giviní a wave
to all my homies in the Shanidar Cave!

Oh they call me My Lord ruling Babylonia,
So give it up you other armies, Iím gonna own ya.
(Say hey hey) let me hear where you're at,
(Say hey hey) I'm the Assyrian cat,
(so say hey hey) Akkadian rhythms...
(and say hey hey hey hey)
I'm an Assyrian badass, you call me sir!
(Singin' hey hey hey hey) ainít nobody gonna restore the Ekur!
(Say hey hey hey hey) I take Assyrian cities right off the map,
(singin' Hey hey hey hey) the kingís in the house and thatís where Iím at.
I didn't write this, a friend of mine did. I just had to share it because I thought it was bloody amazing! She just posted it on my Facebook wall, and I was blown away by how brilliant it is, and I thought "who will appreciate this?", so naturally, I came here.

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!
Sargon of Akkad is offline  
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