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Old August 26th, 2012, 11:26 AM   #1

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The absolute worst historical or war film


This thread is for the Worst HISTORICAL or WAR FILM, so no snipes at “Plan Nine from Outer Space” or “Halloween #293” please. For convenience let’s say that history is anything pre-1970 (so Vietnam war films can be included).
The aim here is to highlight historical inaccuracies or anachronisms, rather than lack of directorial or acting talent as film, like TV is a medium for educating or, rather, mis-educating the young and historical boo-boos are damaging.

There are so many howlers, innocent and mendacious that the thread could go forever, so lets be kind to Hollywood and remember that wartime propaganda allowed for twisting the truth: cash income after the war or petty one-upmanship should not have been an excuse
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Old August 26th, 2012, 11:27 AM   #2

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Pearl Harbour 2001


Pearl Harbour (2001) Jerry Bruckheimer

Where to start?
Young kids fly crop-dusters in 1923 that were not built until 1935.
Navy Nurses give flight medicals to Army Air Force pilots who have already passed fit.
Nurses wear thick, sexy make up and have their hair down.
Illiterates are commissioned as officers and qualify as fighter pilots.
Pilots who are so reckless that they would have been cashiered or court martialed are tolerated and simply admonished.
The USA arrested and imprisoned men who tried to volunteer for the RAF. Those who managed to enlist in Canada or the UK suffered the sequestration of their assets and a five year jail term on return to the USA—the film shows a SERVING US officer being “accepted” for “the Eagle Squadron” and the commanding officer winking at him and saying that he is officially required to “discourage” him. Later we see the US Officer arriving at an RAF unit IN USAAF UNIFORM!
Spitfires can morph into Hurricanes with a movie fade to scene.
I WILL NOT DIGNIFY THE PEARL HARBOUR BATTLE SCENES WITH A COMMENT!
Fighter pilots are easily transferred to bomber squadrons with no conversion training.
A bomber with no fuel is still able to loiter over downed comrades and strafe Japanese troops only feet away from friendlies.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 12:02 PM   #3

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Battle of the Bulge - 1965. Starring Robert Shaw and Henry Fonda.

Howlers include:

The entire German offensive force consisting of King Tiger tanks and halftracks (repainted American Pattons and M3's IIRC,)
American Chafee tanks being used to represent Shermans (they made the Pattons look bigger)
No snow to be seen. Strange, considering the poor weather played an important role in the battle. The film was shot in Spain and it shows.
The films opening narration saying Montgomerys Eighth army was to the west. They were in fact in Italy at the time.

I really like Robert Shaw but this one sucked.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 12:17 PM   #4

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ancientgeezer View Post
Pearl Harbour (2001) Jerry Bruckheimer

Where to start?
Young kids fly crop-dusters in 1923 that were not built until 1935.
Navy Nurses give flight medicals to Army Air Force pilots who have already passed fit.
Nurses wear thick, sexy make up and have their hair down.
Illiterates are commissioned as officers and qualify as fighter pilots.
Pilots who are so reckless that they would have been cashiered or court martialed are tolerated and simply admonished.
The USA arrested and imprisoned men who tried to volunteer for the RAF. Those who managed to enlist in Canada or the UK suffered the sequestration of their assets and a five year jail term on return to the USA—the film shows a SERVING US officer being “accepted” for “the Eagle Squadron” and the commanding officer winking at him and saying that he is officially required to “discourage” him. Later we see the US Officer arriving at an RAF unit IN USAAF UNIFORM!
Spitfires can morph into Hurricanes with a movie fade to scene.
I WILL NOT DIGNIFY THE PEARL HARBOUR BATTLE SCENES WITH A COMMENT!
Fighter pilots are easily transferred to bomber squadrons with no conversion training.
A bomber with no fuel is still able to loiter over downed comrades and strafe Japanese troops only feet away from friendlies.
I've always woundered at the plausability of one American pilot serving during the BoB, then being one of only two pilots to defend Pearl, and then takeing part in the Doolittle raid.

He must have been the most wanted pilot in history.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 01:13 PM   #5
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Well, I'm a little vexed at not being able to use Plan 9, because for almost any movie question that involves 'worst', Plan 9 is the answer.

What bugs me regarding serious historical movies are unnecessary inaccuracies. According to several sources I've checked, Scots didn't wear kilts until well after the time of William Wallace, and in any case he wasn't a Highlander. Also, face paint might not have been in vogue at that time. (I still enjoy watching Braveheart every so often, nonetheless.)

As for The Patriot, I've never read of British troops rounding up rebel troops or civilians during the Revolution and deliberately burning them in buildings. Loyalist forces led by John Butler did commit that very atrocity on at least one occasion, however.

In The Thin Red Line, about the Battle of Mount Austena on Guadalcanal after Henderson Field had been secured, a couple officers are standing on the shore discussing the upcoming assault. A destroyer cruises by, clearly far more modern than anything the USN had in 1942. Not quite as bad as seeing an F-18 swooping low along the beach, but still...
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Old August 26th, 2012, 01:18 PM   #6

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ancientgeezer View Post
Pearl Harbour (2001) Jerry Bruckheimer

Where to start?
Young kids fly crop-dusters in 1923 that were not built until 1935.
Navy Nurses give flight medicals to Army Air Force pilots who have already passed fit.
Nurses wear thick, sexy make up and have their hair down.
Illiterates are commissioned as officers and qualify as fighter pilots.
Pilots who are so reckless that they would have been cashiered or court martialed are tolerated and simply admonished.
The USA arrested and imprisoned men who tried to volunteer for the RAF. Those who managed to enlist in Canada or the UK suffered the sequestration of their assets and a five year jail term on return to the USA—the film shows a SERVING US officer being “accepted” for “the Eagle Squadron” and the commanding officer winking at him and saying that he is officially required to “discourage” him. Later we see the US Officer arriving at an RAF unit IN USAAF UNIFORM!
Spitfires can morph into Hurricanes with a movie fade to scene.
I WILL NOT DIGNIFY THE PEARL HARBOUR BATTLE SCENES WITH A COMMENT!
Fighter pilots are easily transferred to bomber squadrons with no conversion training.
A bomber with no fuel is still able to loiter over downed comrades and strafe Japanese troops only feet away from friendlies.
Historical inaccuracies aside, that movie sucked! Bad romance movie disguised as war movie. Pathetic from both a historian's and moviegoer's perspective!
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Old August 26th, 2012, 01:25 PM   #7

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Although it's not strictly historical, The Last Samurai is based on events during the Meiji restoration. That whole samurai thinking guns were dishonourable thing amongst others.

And ninjas. Oh, the ninjas.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 01:52 PM   #8

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Cromwell springs to mind.
Firstly Cromwell was not one of the five MPs Charles sort to arrest,
Since when was Cromwell in charge at Edgehill? He didn't even turn up until it finished.
The New Model Army did not wear black, they wore red, hence British Redcoats.
What happened to the Battle of Marston Moor? It wasn't some little skirmish easily ignored.
The NMA was not outnumbered at Naseby in fact the Royalists were.
Cromwell did not arrest the King himself.
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Old August 26th, 2012, 02:01 PM   #9

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can i dare "mention" john wayne --- (the green berets)

i am not even going to list the items --
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Old August 26th, 2012, 02:02 PM   #10

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"The Alamo"< 1960>
"The Thin Red Line" <1998>
"Pear Harbor"<2001>
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