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Old January 3rd, 2017, 02:47 AM   #1
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What inadequacy hurts self-esteem & relationship even more: financial or physical?


Does physical inadequacy (such as impotence, invirility, unattractiveness) frustrate oneself and one's partner even more than financial inadequacy does?

Speaking of how much damage perceived financial inadequacy does to self-esteem and relationships, when I watched A Simple Plan (1998), I was so impressed by the outburst from Mrs Mitchell (played by Bridget Fonda) after years of frustration and silence as she berates her husband who is potent and reasonably virile, but financially inadequate by her standard - the lines are devastating:

..and what about Amanda? Do you think she's gonna like growing up in somebody else's hand-me-down clothes? Playing with some kid's old toys because we can never afford to buy her anything new?
...What about me? Spending the rest of my life, 8 hours a day, with a fake smile plastered on my face ... and then coming home to cook dinner for you the same meals over and over again, whatever the week's coupons will allow. Only going out to restaurants for special occasions - birthdays or anniversaries; and even then having to watch what we order - skipping the appetizer, coming home for dessert. You think that's gonna make me happy?...

I don't know whether my self-esteem and marriage could survive that if I were the husband.

Having said that, I think physical inadequacy hurts even more.
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Old January 5th, 2017, 05:04 PM   #2

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It seemed to me that the real problem wasn't Hank's perceived poverty, but Sarah's self-pity and complete lack of any insight into her own problems. They lived in a rural, economically depressed region and, although perfectly capable of finding gainful employment, she chose to busy herself in the low-stress, casual career as a librarian and complain about being poor.

It wasn't Hank's income that was a problem, it was her longing for material things, the lack of which was the result of her poor life decisions.

If your spouse tries to pull that on you, tell her to pack her bag (paper, not plastic) and move back into her mother's house. You deserve better than that.
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Old January 5th, 2017, 06:03 PM   #3

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They go together, like a horse and carriage, love and marriage, you canīt have one without the other. (cue the band fellows I feel a song coming on)
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Old January 5th, 2017, 06:31 PM   #4
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"Am I a loser with the opposite sex because I am a unattractive dic**ess weakling or is it because I am a loser finacially?"
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Old January 6th, 2017, 06:12 PM   #5

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Financial of course. You can be as ugly as a goblin and as short as a hobbit but the moment you show of your richness, everyone will treat you as if you are the most beautiful elf. The feeling when you can order people who looks way more amazing than you and treat them like dirt, step on their body and their pride simply because you are richer than them, ohhhhhh, it feels good. You can be as beautiful as an angel but if you are dirt poor then you will be the angel in a brothel as most or become a sugar baby for a certain orange president.
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Old January 8th, 2017, 06:30 AM   #6

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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Vietnamese View Post
Financial of course. You can be as ugly as a goblin and as short as a hobbit but the moment you show of your richness, everyone will treat you as if you are the most beautiful elf. The feeling when you can order people who looks way more amazing than you and treat them like dirt, step on their body and their pride simply because you are richer than them, ohhhhhh, it feels good. You can be as beautiful as an angel but if you are dirt poor then you will be the angel in a brothel as most or become a sugar baby for a certain orange president.
She was a former NFL cheerleader with silken hair the color of wild honey, tanned, with flawless skin, a smle from a toothpaste ad, and a head-turning figure that was all original equipment.
With such looks, Melana Scantlin had no difficulty attracting men. But she didn't want just anybody. She wanted a special man, one she could start a family with one day, a princely fellow with whom she could spend the rest of her life.
But suddenly she was twenty-six and it wasn't happening. Then Melana, an aspiring actress, was invited to join a kind of video dating service, a unique program designed not only to help find her mate but also to entertain a vast television audience.
As cameras rolled, Melana was introduced to sixteen young men. They were muscular, they were skinny, they were chubby. Some were clean-shaven, others bearded; they wore buzz cuts, fashionable hairstyles, or were balding. They were tall, short, and in between. Line up all sixteen and they were pretty much what you might expect to find at a typical American high school's ten-year class reunion.
According to roles that Melana agreed to, she was obliged to date each man at least once. Immediately she saw that the group included several men in whom she had no interest; in short order, they were gone from the program and from her life. Concentrating on the others, she went on dates or hung out with one or another, getting to know each, learning a bit about their lives, their personalities, their private priorities.
All these men were dubbed "Average Joes", with unremarkable physical attributes, diverse but ordinary occupations, and unexceptional lives. Steadily winnowing the group after a few weeks, Melana finally chose toothy, twenty-eight-year-old Adam Mesh, a husky securities trader with a strong New York accent.
Melana said she was sure that she had found her true love - until the show's producers threw her a curve. Suddenly, three young men with looks that would have shamed a Greek god were added to the mix. Would Melana prefer any of them to Adam?
With little hesitation, she left her "true love" for Jason Peoples, twenty-seven, a part-time waiter still living with his parents.
"The eyes, the face, the smile. How could you deny that?" said Melana as she and her Adonis flew off for a honeymoon-like vacation at an exclusive resort.
When this lovely woman abruptly rejected a successful trader who had been the subject of a Fortune magazine article to party with a gorgeous slacker, millions of American women, vicariously living Melana's romance, rejoiced. Older and wiser, they might not have chosen the ambition-challenged Jason over one of Wall Street's rising stars - but still, they could appreciate why she had.

http://books.google.lt/books/about/L...gC&redir_esc=y
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Old January 8th, 2017, 02:35 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by holoow View Post
She was a former NFL cheerleader with silken hair the color of wild honey, tanned, with flawless skin, a smle from a toothpaste ad, and a head-turning figure that was all original equipment.
With such looks, Melana Scantlin had no difficulty attracting men. But she didn't want just anybody. She wanted a special man, one she could start a family with one day, a princely fellow with whom she could spend the rest of her life.
But suddenly she was twenty-six and it wasn't happening. Then Melana, an aspiring actress, was invited to join a kind of video dating service, a unique program designed not only to help find her mate but also to entertain a vast television audience.
As cameras rolled, Melana was introduced to sixteen young men. They were muscular, they were skinny, they were chubby. Some were clean-shaven, others bearded; they wore buzz cuts, fashionable hairstyles, or were balding. They were tall, short, and in between. Line up all sixteen and they were pretty much what you might expect to find at a typical American high school's ten-year class reunion.
According to roles that Melana agreed to, she was obliged to date each man at least once. Immediately she saw that the group included several men in whom she had no interest; in short order, they were gone from the program and from her life. Concentrating on the others, she went on dates or hung out with one or another, getting to know each, learning a bit about their lives, their personalities, their private priorities.
All these men were dubbed "Average Joes", with unremarkable physical attributes, diverse but ordinary occupations, and unexceptional lives. Steadily winnowing the group after a few weeks, Melana finally chose toothy, twenty-eight-year-old Adam Mesh, a husky securities trader with a strong New York accent.
Melana said she was sure that she had found her true love - until the show's producers threw her a curve. Suddenly, three young men with looks that would have shamed a Greek god were added to the mix. Would Melana prefer any of them to Adam?
With little hesitation, she left her "true love" for Jason Peoples, twenty-seven, a part-time waiter still living with his parents.
"The eyes, the face, the smile. How could you deny that?" said Melana as she and her Adonis flew off for a honeymoon-like vacation at an exclusive resort.
When this lovely woman abruptly rejected a successful trader who had been the subject of a Fortune magazine article to party with a gorgeous slacker, millions of American women, vicariously living Melana's romance, rejoiced. Older and wiser, they might not have chosen the ambition-challenged Jason over one of Wall Street's rising stars - but still, they could appreciate why she had.

http://books.google.lt/books/about/L...gC&redir_esc=y

And that lasted how long?
And did she learn her lesson?

And the equipment is no longer original.


Here's the thing-
What it comes down to is the MATCH.

If you are a financial loser- with a mate who feels they can do a lot better, then you are gonna get left the minute they FIND someone better.

If you are a physical loser, but who is well off, then your mate may well decide to hang with you- and get their physical needs met surreptitiously.


Read the profiles in any dating app... the more money the Guy has- the more he demands in a mate in terms of youth, bust, attractiveness, etc.

The more stunning the woman is, the more she demands in terms of financial security.


We, each, have a self appraisal of our worth in the market of mating.
And for the most part our appraisals are accurate-

The poorer- the more unattractive - the more aged- the LESS each online dater demands in a potential mate. The fewer conditions they make.

If you are unattractive- then go for a person whose own attractiveness prevents them from expecting much better.

If you are poor- then you had better go for someone who doesn't think they can get away with demanding affluence from a mate.

The key is to look for the mate that balances your own situation.

An ambitionless doofus- hooking up with a gorgeous woman- is going to hear a lot of complaining.


The primary difference between women and men are the traits that evolution shaped us to seek in a mate. Men are driven by issues of desire.
Women are driven by issues of security. ( not just financial- but emotional and physical security as well )


What it comes down to is that you have got to provide a woman with some form of security... and there are women out there for whom emotional security matters more than financial security.
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Old January 13th, 2017, 07:40 AM   #8

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Financial.

Timur the Lame was one of the most confident and successful people in history.

He had one leg.

Research shows that you come to adjust to your situation.

But if your situation is CONSTANT chasing around by your landlord, relegation to a sub-human state, you don't have time to adjust to that.

You didn't see revolts against the Iraqi government under Saddam by veterans of Iran-Iraq who hated how they were crippled. But you did see revolts against him due to sanctions that impoverished people.
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