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View Poll Results: How do you feel about raising the child of another man/woman?
I have absolutely no problem with that. 8 44.44%
I would do it, but it is not ideal for me. 3 16.67%
I might do it, but I'm not sure. 1 5.56%
I'm slightly hesitant to do that. 1 5.56%
I would rather not do that. 3 16.67%
There is no way I will do that. 2 11.11%
Voters: 18. You may not vote on this poll

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Old January 12th, 2018, 03:47 PM   #1

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How do you feel about raising the child of another man/woman?


Let's say you become single and meet someone you want as a spouse, but the person has a small child. How does that effect the way you feel? Would you want to be a parent to the child?

The poll is anonymous, by the way.

Last edited by Jake10; January 12th, 2018 at 03:55 PM.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 03:49 PM   #2

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I've done it twice took care of ex-girlfriends son age 2-4, changed diapers, took back and forth to daycare --his mother blew it. Then took care of my ex-wife's daughter and put ex-wife through school. No more..... But then I don't date anymore either!
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Old January 12th, 2018, 03:58 PM   #3

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I have it done it. It can present a different dynamic, although most of it is self imposed. The relationship between a child and step parent can be as good, or better between that of the child and his/her biological parent. Like most things, it depends upon the effort you put forth.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 04:01 PM   #4

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One concern I would have would be the biological father coming in years later to challenge me.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 04:07 PM   #5

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jake10 View Post
One concern I would have would be the biological father coming in years later to challenge me.
Could be an issue, although it was not in my case. Depending upon the situation, one may have to vie with the birth parent for the child's acceptance, but I have seen cases where an adolescent has shut out a birth parent as well. Parenting to the best of one's ability, regardless of how the child accepts it is a challenge that all parents will likely face.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 04:46 PM   #6

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I am doing it. Only real problems are for the child. Things like calling me dad in public or the occasional awkward moment in school when people don't know about the real dad. Luckily the real dad is also a real dad, so in over ten years there hasn't been any real issue.

As a sidenote you get some really confusing family structures. My "real" kids obviously have some different grandparents, yet also go to the birthday of the "other" ones.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 04:50 PM   #7

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I've never adopted a child (raised some of my own). 35 yrs ago I had a girlfriend with three kids and they *STILL* think of me as an "honorary" dad. I think I just happened to be there at a critical/important time. This still doesn't qualify me, since my experience was only a few years (6 maybe). <BTW: I call her my "ex". We still chat. She was at my wedding, I was at hers, I'm friends with her husband, etc.>

My observation is that adopted children, no matter what kind of loving home they come from, tend to search out their "real" parent(s) as early adults. I don't know what percentage of adoptees do this, but there are national websites to help them.

I can see this as heartbreaking to the parents who poured love into them, took care of their fevers, helped them with school, helped them with their own heartaches ... to be put aside for "real" parents, even temporarily.

I can't imagine how much this must hurt ('..but,but, *I*'m your dad!"). Yeah, well parents being hurt by their kids is part of the game, too.

I have a relative that was abandoned by a dead-beat nasty dad. As they grew up, they just had that biologic imperative (or whatever it is) to search him out.

I guess this a very long-winded way of saying: "be prepared for the 'real' parent thing, no matter how much of a scumbag/saint they actually are."

Looking at Rodger's post, I can easily see how adolescents are a completely different ballgame. My experience was with cute, little guys (at the start).

Last edited by Dios; January 12th, 2018 at 04:54 PM.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 09:02 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Todd Feinman View Post
I've done it twice took care of ex-girlfriends son age 2-4, changed diapers, took back and forth to daycare --his mother blew it. Then took care of my ex-wife's daughter and put ex-wife through school. No more..... But then I don't date anymore either!
I took care of my ex girl friends daughter for many years and still do to an extent. I consider her as my daughter. One of the best thing to happen in my life. Her mother is a real hard ass though.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 09:16 PM   #9

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I took care of my ex girl friends daughter for many years and still do to an extent. I consider her as my daughter. One of the best thing to happen in my life. Her mother is a real hard ass though.
I hope when she gets close to 30, after all the roiling around of adolescence and 20-something exploration, she lets you know how she appreciates you. It absolutely floored me when it happened. Still does when I think about it.
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Old January 12th, 2018, 11:38 PM   #10

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Not interested. I might reconsider under specific narrow circumstances but, given a choice, I wouldn't. If a good friend or relative died or became incapacitated and asked me to take in their kids, I'd consider that to be an honour.

Last edited by Dan Howard; January 12th, 2018 at 11:41 PM.
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