Historic Topical Humor

At Each Kilometer

Ad Honorem
Sep 2012
4,127
Bulgaria
“This year – a factory of semiconductors. Next year – a factory of whole conductors!”

"We must make a radical turn, at 360 degrees"

"The police* belongs to the people and the people belong to the police"

Todor Zhivkov, General Secretary of the Bulgarian Communist Party.

*The name of the police forces during communist period in Bulgaria and most eastern block countries was militia.
 

Chlodio

Forum Staff
Aug 2016
4,995
Dispargum
From 1980:
Jimmy Carter goes to a seance and calls up the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt. "Teddy," he says, "Iran has taken American hostages. What should I do?"
Teddy Roosevelt says, "Did you send in the marines?"
Carter: "I can't do that. The world situation is too delicate. Also, the Russians have invaded Afghanistan. What should I do?"
TR: "Did you send in the marines?"
JC: "I can't do that. The world situation is too delicate."
TR: "Gee, the world sure has changed. Next you'll be telling me that you gave away the canal."
 

MG1962a

Ad Honorem
Mar 2019
2,369
Kansas
The was a bumper sticker, from when Richard Nixon resigned.

"Would you buy a used Ford from this man"
 
Sep 2012
942
Prague, Czech Republic
Old eastern bloc humour:

Petr and Pavel are standing in line in the bread queue, until finally it gets too much for Pavel.

"I'm sick of all this queuing! I don't care any more. I'm going straight to Husak* and punch him in the face!"

Some time later Petr meets Pavel, once again back in the queue for bread. "So, what happened? Did you punch Husak?"

"No. The queue for that was even longer than this one."

*President and First Secretary of the Communist Party
 

At Each Kilometer

Ad Honorem
Sep 2012
4,127
Bulgaria
During the commie reign a man had a parrot who cursed the Party and the communist authorities non-stop. The man waited some big shot party functionary slash apparatchik to visit him so he put the parrot in the fridge just in case. After the visit he opened the door of the refrigerator, the parrot rushed out and yelled with all his might: "Glory to the Party and its leading role in our lives! Long live our glorious general secretary!" The man then asked the parrot: "Wait a sec, what is going on, why are you talking like that?" Parrot replied: "2 hours in Siberia are more than enough idd, i am born again"
 
Jan 2012
489
South Midlands in Merlin's Isle of Gramarye
Leonid Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Soviet Communist Party was giving his elderly peasant mother a tour of his sumptuous flat in the Kremlin.
He shows her the deep pile of the carpets, the beautiful polished wood of the furniture, the golden drapes and the luxurious fittings.
She is obviously impressed.
`So you can see how well your little Leonid has done,' he says to his mother.
`Da, Da, Leonid,' she replies looking worried. `What will you do if the Communists come back?'
 

Ichon

Ad Honorem
Mar 2013
3,770
A man was reported to have said: "Nikolay is a moron!" and was arrested by a policeman. While being questioned the man tried to explain only to have the policeman make the remark perfectly. "No, sir, I meant not our respected Emperor, but another man named Nikolay!" - "Don't try to trick me! If you say "moron", you are obviously referring to our tsar!"

During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wanting to file a petition. "We have even started eating grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come now! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we're not buzzing like bees, are we?"

From the propaganda slogan, "Our children will live in Communism! The joke is expressed- "No, my friend, we will not live long enough to see communism, but our children... our poor children!"

"Comrade, do you think the KGB will still exist in the future?" "As you know, once we have achieved communism, the state will be abolished, together with its means of suppression. People will know how to self-arrest themselves."

A new arrival to Gulag is asked: "Why were you were given 10 years?" "For nothing!" – "Hey! Don't lie to us here, now! Everybody knows 'for nothing' is 3 years."

During a large political conference, there is only a single room still available at the only hotel in town. Four strangers are put into the room. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The fourth man desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, in frustration, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends to a power outlet: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. "You don't need to know!" she answers. "B-but...but what about me?" asks the terrified fellow. 'Oh, you...well...Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."

Question: What's the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?
Answer: A capitalist fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time, there was...". A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Someday, there will be..."

"Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In the newspaper office, a discussion is underway about how to caption the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs surround comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected as politically offensive. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "Third from left – comrade Khrushchev."

An American man and a Soviet man died on the same day and went to Hell together. The Devil told them: "You may choose to enter two different types of Hell: the first is the American-style one, where you can do anything you like, but only on condition of eating a bucketful of manure every day; the second is the Soviet-style hell, where you can ALSO do anything you like, but only on condition of eating TWO bucketfuls of manure a day." The American chose the American-style Hell, and the Soviet man chose the Soviet-style one. A few months later, they met again. The Soviet man asked the American: "Hi, how are you getting on?" The American said: "I'm fine, but I can't stand the bucketful of manure every day. How about you?" The Soviet man replied: "Well, I'm fine, too, except that I don't know whether we had a shortage of manure, or if somebody stole all the buckets."
 
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Futurist

Ad Honoris
May 2014
23,561
SoCal
This probably isn't correct, but here's the English translation of a Russian joke that I heard from my parents? :

"What do you call the Reagan dog?"

"Ronald."

Here's a recent one that I personally made up:

"Why did Hillary Clinton lose in 2016?"

"Because she failed to realize that Bill Clinton's Wiener wasn't the only Wiener that she needed to worry about!"

(For the record, this joke is a reference to Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky and to the fact that additional e-mails were discovered on Anthony Wiener's computer right before the 2016 election, thus causing FBI Director James Comey to make his announcement that the FBI's Hillary Clinton investigation was resuming, an announcement to which some people attributed Hillary Clinton's subsequent 2016 loss several days later.)
 

Futurist

Ad Honoris
May 2014
23,561
SoCal
Leonid Brezhnev, General Secretary of the Soviet Communist Party was giving his elderly peasant mother a tour of his sumptuous flat in the Kremlin.
He shows her the deep pile of the carpets, the beautiful polished wood of the furniture, the golden drapes and the luxurious fittings.
She is obviously impressed.
`So you can see how well your little Leonid has done,' he says to his mother.
`Da, Da, Leonid,' she replies looking worried. `What will you do if the Communists come back?'
Very funny! :lol:

Also, here's another Soviet joke:

"Comrade Brezhnev, how many Jews do we currently have in the Soviet Union?"

"Two million."

"And just how many of them would leave if we allowed them to?"

"Why, three million, of course!"
 
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Willempie

Ad Honorem
Jul 2015
5,709
Netherlands
In my many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
President John Adams
 
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