I'm wanting to write a novel taking place in the early to mid 1800s in the U.S...I need some info on things relating to settlers migrating to the west

Nov 2018
32
St. Louis, MO
#41
Can anyone here tell me if this passage and will sound fairly good?

After 30 seconds, he guided us inside the vault into a room full of rows upon rows of safety deposit boxes, like a red brick wall made of metal bricks. He went to box number 201 and inserted the key, jiggling it a bit as he put it in the lock. The door opened with an ominous creak and the banker reached inside. He pulled out a worn, coffee-colored piece of paper and handed it to me. “He was a good man. I knew him well” said the banker. I simply nodded, too numb and hungover to give any civilized reaction. I opened the letter and began reading:

I, Ezra Masterson, of the County of Marion in the State of Missouri do make and publish this, my last will and testament in manner and form following, that is to say, first, it is my will that all my just debts be fully paid.

Second, I give, devise, and bequeath to my beloved wife Sarah Masterson, in lieu of her dowery, the plantation on which we now reside situated in Marion County, and all livestock herein, all the farming utensils, all grain and provisions on hand at my death during her natural life, as before said, and that at the death of my said wife all the property hereby devised or bequeathed to her as aforesaid or so much thereof as may then remain unexpended of the waistable property to my son for his heirs and assign forever.

And lastly I hereby constitute and appoint my son William Jacob Masterson to be the executor to this, my last will and testament, revoking and annulling all former wills by me made and ratifying and confirming this and no other to be my last will and testament.

In testimony whereof I have here unto set my hand and seal this 14th of January in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and sixty-five.

(signed) Ezra William Masterson
 
Jun 2010
3,292
Colorado Springs (PA at heart)
#42
Can anyone here tell me if this passage and will sound fairly good?

After 30 seconds, he guided us inside the vault into a room full of rows upon rows of safety deposit boxes, like a red brick wall made of metal bricks.
The use of brick/bricks twice in one sentence is repetitive and unnecessary, and I wouldn’t use the word “red” unless the it’s actually red, which I’m assuming the safety deposits boxes weren’t. So “like a brick wall made of metal” would be better. I would also use something else other than “30 seconds”. Was the character really timing it? Probably not. It’s oddly and unnecessarily specific. Something like “After a moment” would make more sense.

The will sounds good and uses the right terminology.
 
Likes: HeadinOutWest
Nov 2018
32
St. Louis, MO
#43
The use of brick/bricks twice in one sentence is repetitive and unnecessary, and I wouldn’t use the word “red” unless the it’s actually red, which I’m assuming the safety deposits boxes weren’t. So “like a brick wall made of metal” would be better. I would also use something else other than “30 seconds”. Was the character really timing it? Probably not. It’s oddly and unnecessarily specific. Something like “After a moment” would make more sense.

The will sounds good and uses the right terminology.
I actually just rewrote the will and changed the brick thing an hour or so before you made this post...here's the new one!

After a short breather, he guided us inside the vault into a room full of rows upon rows of safety deposit boxes, like some newfangled metal brick wall. He went to box number 201 and inserted the key, jiggling it a bit as he put it in the lock. The door opened with an ominous creak and the banker reached inside. He pulled out a worn piece of paper and handed it to me.

“He was a good man, Bill. I knew him well. I’m sorry.” Said Mr. Smith.

I was so hungover that to give any sort of civilized response would have taken an effort that, to me, seemed impossible for any man to muster. I opened it and began reading:

I, Ezra Masterson, of the County of Marion in the State of Missouri do make and publish this, my last will and testament in manner and form following, that is to say, first, it is my will that all my just debts be fully paid.

Second, I give, devise, and bequeath to my beloved wife Sarah Masterson, in lieu of her dower, a single bed, bedroom and dresser on the plantation on which we now reside situated in Marion County.

Thirdly, I give, devise, and bequeath to my beloved son William Jacob Masterson, being that he has come to the age of majority, the remainder of my earthly possessions.

Fourthly, I hereby constitute and appoint, in the case being that my son William Jacob Masterson has not come of age, Edward Johnathan Smith of Marion County as his guardian.

Fifthly, being that my son William Jacob Masterson has not of age, I appoint Edward Johnathan Smith of Marion County as the executor of this estate until the time that my son comes to the age of majority

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and seal this 14th of January in the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and sixty-five.

(signed) Ezra William Masterson
 

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