Please Critique my Essay on Mesoamerican Warfare

Aug 2016
786
USA
#1
I have to do an essay for my College World-History class. In it, we do a 5-7 page paper on a specific subject in history. I chose Pre-Contact Mesoamerican Warfare. It's due by 11-2-18, which is this Friday, November 2018. I'm just mentioning the date so people don't waste their time posting here after that date has passed. Please consider giving me some tips. Thanks.

HIS101_Research_Paper
 
Last edited:
Oct 2018
36
Raritania
#2
I have to do an essay for my College World-History class. In it, we do a 5-7 page paper on a specific subject in history. I chose Pre-Contact Mesoamerican Warfare. It's due by 11-2-18, which is this Friday, November 2018. I'm just mentioning the date so people don't waste their time posting here after that date has passed. Please consider giving me some tips. Thanks.

HIS101_Research_Paper
Pretty good. One thing that personally bothers me is that you said ‘this essay’ in the beginning. I’m in middle school so I could be wrong but I’ve always been taught don’t say ‘essay’ in an essay. Other than that really swell!
 
Oct 2013
12,760
Europix
#5
nitpicking (but I am a nitpicker ...)

"Many historians contend that ... "
"archeologists have discovered ... "
"Many modern people would ... "


That kind of formulation should be avoided.

When You said "historians", or "archaeologists" or "people" You should be able to provide the source (Historian "X", archaeologist "Y", person "Z" plus the paper/study/vid/whatever)

Putted the way You wrote it, it gives the impression of "hear-say" and that's something You don't want in an essay.

My two pennies, hope it helps.
 

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